In the awareness meetings I held with my clients on many topics such as business life, romantic relationships, working life, strong communication, success, leadership, conflict management, social life and weight control, we came to the conclusion that the main source of the problems is that people cannot objectively evaluate themselves in terms of valence and competence for various reasons.
Do you evaluate yourself correctly?
How people see themselves, how they interpret them, their communication with their environment, their observations and inner conversations affect their self-development. This concept, which is closely related to a person’s self-confidence, includes the terms real self, ideal self and self-esteem, that is, self-esteem. While the real self includes the thoughts and evaluations that the person currently designs about himself, the ideal self refers to the person that the individual would like to be.
What is the importance of self-esteem in your life?
The difference between the real self-perception that a person creates in his mind and the ideal self that he or she tries to reach is called “self-esteem”, in other words, “self-esteem”. This concept, which is defined as the difference between where we see ourselves and where we want to be; It means that the individual considers himself worthy of being loved, is satisfied with his existence, and accepts himself as he is. In order for self-esteem to be formed, one must perceive himself positively and constructively.
The elements of worthiness and competence actually form the basis of self-esteem. The successes, failures, happiness, separations and losses we have achieved in life change the level of self-esteem, which is a dynamic structure. Growing up in an authoritarian and oppressive family, being exposed to criticism, bullying and abuse in the living environment, encountering violence and humiliating behaviors in education life, and the negativities we encounter in life prevent us from perceiving ourselves correctly, making it difficult for us to see the pluses we have and making ourselves much weaker than we are. it makes us feel.
Value, which means the value that a person gives to himself; to accept, love, value, care and approve oneself. Competence, on the other hand, means to perceive one’s inner world, strengths and weaknesses realistically, and to implement his plans confidently by taking responsibility in order to reach his goals.
Factors affecting the formation of self-esteem
Family, social environment, academic success, emotional and physical relationships play an important role in the development of self-esteem. Being loved, feeling important and valued by the family and the environment strengthens self-esteem. In order for an individual’s self-esteem to be high, the family must consist of tolerant, flexible, supportive and self-confident individuals who are reassuring, able to communicate well.
When the perceived self is compatible with the ideal self, the person accepts himself as he is, loves himself and deems himself worthy of being loved and admired. Studies show that people with high self-esteem are more successful, more constructive and more attractive in bilateral relations. These people, who see themselves as valuable and competent, try to do their best without being afraid of failure, learn from the bright side of things, are not affected by the thoughts of the people around them, and are tolerant and harmonious. These people with high self-esteem know that they are worthy of respect, they feel positive, and their life satisfaction is high. They easily take a place in the group they are in by establishing positive relationships instead of escaping from people and communication.
It is seen that the self-esteem levels of people who did not receive enough love from their families, who were brought up in an oppressive and authoritarian environment, who were neglected, who were brought up within the framework of strict rules, who were exposed to peer bullying during adolescence, who were mocked and abused, are quite low. These people evaluate themselves negatively despite their values, competencies and achievements. These people have very low self-esteem because their constantly negative self-perception distracts them from their ideal selves.
People with low self-esteem are more curious about other people’s thoughts about themselves than their own, avoid responsibility to avoid failure, withdraw in social life not to be offended, build a wall between people and experience the feeling of loneliness very intensely. These people, who think that they are not worthy of love because they do not love themselves, do not trust their abilities, focus on negativities, constantly blame themselves and the people around them, are afraid of making mistakes, and cannot feel enough power to deal with problems.
Everything is ready if your mind is ready.
Being loved unconditionally, being approved, feeling valuable and being respected are among our vital needs. Feeling valuable and sufficient without being bound by conditions is very important for the development of self-esteem. You may have lost your job, ended your marriage, and experienced many financial and moral losses. Your intelligence, your physique, your beauty, your financial strength, your losses, your success, your failure, your ideas… Regardless of all these variables, you should love and feel valued just for being you.
The people around us actually create our reflection, so if you don’t love and appreciate you inside, you cannot expect someone else to love you. For a happy and fulfilled life, never stop loving yourself, accepting and approving your strengths and weaknesses as they are. In addition to all these, when you include the elements of worthiness and competence, which form the basis of your self-respect, into your life, regardless of all conditions, you will realize that all the problems that you have raised in your mind and that you cannot get out of are easily resolved.